20-year-old daughter constantly lets girlfriend stay over, dad is tired of continually entertaining a guest: 'This relationship seems to consume almost all of her free time'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 26, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

If it's your house, it's your rules, but that gets tougher when everyone's an adult. 

It's much harder to regulate what's happening in your house when your kids are legal adults. They have more grounds to do what they would like to do. But as long as they're still living under your roof rent-free, you're allowed to draw the line somewhere. That's what was happening in this situation, where an adult child was acting like she was living on her own… while still living at home. This is a common thing for kids that age to do, but it can put the family in a difficult spot. The parents probably want more privacy and more space than they were getting while still being full-time parents. Once you're an empty nester, your tolerance for having people in the house might go down. It's okay to want a little more space to yourselves, and to want to enjoy your house as it is. Having guests over is a whole other thing. It changes your level of comfort in the house. I completely understand wanting to limit the amount of time that guests are over, even if that guest happens to be the significant other of someone in the family. But it's not easy to draw a boundary, and it's not easy to change someone else's behavior. That's the struggle that this family was in. Keep reading to see what happened here and let us know what you think in the comments. 

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  • A young woman reads something in her lap on the couch
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    Scene shown is a visual representation.


    A young woman reads something in her lap on the couch

  • Am I in the wrong for not wanting my 20-year-old daughter's girlfriend at our house all the time?

    My daughter is 20 and has a girlfriend. To get this out of the way, I have absolutely no issue with her having a girlfriend. I'd feel exactly the same way if it were a boyfriend. The issue is that I just don't want another person in the house all the time.
    via Green_Definition
  • Our house is already crowded. I live with my wife, my daughter, and my stepdaughter, and another stepdaughter is about to move back in. The house is messy, my daughter's room is usually a disaster, and sometimes I just want to be able to exist in my own house without another guest being there. My daughter's argument is basically, "We don't bother you. We just stay in my room."
    via Green_Definition

  • Even if the guest is not being a nuisance, there's still a vibe shift.

    And she's right. They're not running around screaming, eating all my food, or actively causing problems. But somehow just knowing there's another person in the house throws me off. I don't completely relax when there's a guest here, even if I barely see them. There's also another part of this that I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable about.
    via Green_Definition
  • My daughter and her girlfriend just got back from an eight-day vacation together, and now she immediately wants her over again. My daughter hardly goes out with other friends and doesn't really have hobbies or much of a social life outside of her girlfriend. From my perspective, this relationship seems to consume almost all of her free time.
    via Green_Definition

  • The father was sure to clear up some qualifiers about the story.

    I don't dislike the girlfriend. I'm not trying to break them up, and I realize my daughter is 20 and gets to decide how she spends her time. But I do worry about her making one person her entire social life. Mostly, though, I just want fewer people in my d in house. My daughter thinks I'm being unfair because they keep to themselves and says I "don't understand."
    via Green_Definition
  • So AITA for limiting how often her girlfriend can come over, even though the girlfriend isn't actually doing anything wrong?
    via Green_Definition

  • Commenters gave their opinions and thoughts on the story.

    lisalef NTA. I hear you. Another person in the house really throws things off. A few questions. Does your daughter have a job? Is she in school? What is the GFs home life like? Why can't they spend time there?
    via Green_Definition
  • Two young women lounge on a bed side by side
    via Sinitta Leunen

    Stock photography for depiction only.

    Two young women lounge on a bed side by side

  • SuburbanBushwacker OP is in urgent need of a shed. NTA just needs a shed
    via Green_Definition

  • This commenter had a very practical assessment of the situation.

    NUredditNU NTA. But be prepared for your daughter to spend less time at home.
    via Green_Definition
  • psoriasaurus_rex NTA. It's your house. They can hang out at the girlfriend's house sometimes. I assume she does actually live somewhere. If your daughter wants to have guests 24/7, she can get her own place.
    via Green_Definition

  • Some saw this as a positive thing.

    missemarie123 Young ppl want to spend all their time together. At least they are not out partying or being reckless or wasting money. Your kid wants to be at your house (with their girlfriend) consider that a win
    via Green_Definition

  • This commenter shared their similar story.

    AcidReign25 NAH. Had a similar situation with my 20 yo daughter and her boyfriend. Nice guy and respectful. But was here all the time. Reality is if you force your daughter to choose, she will choose her sig other. I did as soon as I had a gf in high school.
    via Green_Definition
  • My wife and I decided we would rather have him here a bunch and see / talk with our daughter, than have her never around. That being said, my situation is somewhat different as we only have 1 child and our home has a lot of space. But it was nice to eat dinner with both of them and talk.
    via Green_Definition

  • If you're living in someone else's house, you have to follow some rules.

    Blood_magic INFO Does your daughter have plans to move out on her own soon or is she in school at all? I kinda feel like your house, your rules on guests and if she doesn't like it well she is certainly old enough to get a job and her own place with her gf so they can spend all their time together there.
    via Green_Definition
  • Not saying to ban her gf completely, but surely you can limit it to weekends only or something.
    via Green_Definition

  • This commenter saw it both ways.

    girls_girls_boys NTA When you're twenty and gay and have a brand new girlfriend, it can be huge and exciting. That's not a good excuse for being an inconsiderate housemate
    via Green_Definition
  • 20frvrz NTA, not at all. But you also need to recognize that this will mean your daughter spends less time at your house, not less time with her girlfriend.
    via Green_Definition

  • You're allowed to set boundaries in your own house.

    Head_Trick_9932 Nope NTA My teen (18) son has a gf that he wants to spend every waking moment with, too. I told him 2-3 days a week and that's it. I like my peace and to exist in my home as well. They can get their own place if they want to play house 24/7.
    via Green_Definition

  • This commenter had some ideas about where to direct them.

    99dalmatianpups NTA. They can hang out at a park or local library. Tell your daughter to look up y'all's city or county library and park systems schedules, and pick out activities to go. do with her girlfriend. Frame it as free to low cost dates that they can go on where
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  • they try new things together while also supporting local community services. I think the most expensive thing my parks system offers is horseback riding lessons for $40 per person for 2 hours, everything else in the parks. and libraries is either free or under $20.
    via Green_Definition
  • It gives your daughter the opportunity to socialize with more people than just her girlfriend, gets them out of your house, AND it helps your local libraries and parks since funding is often based on attendance / use!
    via Green_Definition

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relationship advice living together girlfriends relationships parenting girlfriend young adults parents
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